When I thought about writing this, I wanted to start from a place of pride. After all, this is June – Pride month. London is bedecked with rainbow flags, the sun is shining – at time of writing – and our minds are focused on the celebration of being LGBTQ+. I'd really like that pride to be felt by everyone who is in, out or somewhere in between. Our sexuality – no matter what it is – is part of our identity; part of who we are.
During my adult life I've seen huge changes in attitudes towards being gay/queer/whatever term you prefer; and most of them have been positive. I can't tell you the happiness I felt when the civil partnership legislation was passed. My then-partner and I could actually make our relationship of more than 10 years legal and enjoy the protections other couples took for granted. Even though we're not together now, that day in 2006 was the happiest in my life: we could publicly celebrate our relationship with our family and friends. And that matters because we were able to be who we are.
As a leader at NHS Providers, I have sought to be authentic and bring all of myself to work.
Deputy Chief Executive
But it hasn't all been plain sailing, despite the huge steps taken. I still recall, with quite a bit of horror, when I was at university, walking down the Oxford Road in Manchester, with my girlfriend, holding hands. We were confronted by two men who took exception. They verbally abused us and then threw bottles and stones at us. A big and frightening act of aggression.
At the other end of the spectrum, there are the micro aggressions. Being asked, at work events, what your husband does (and of course having to make that split second decision as to whether or not to play along or be truthful). People doing a double take when you say your partner's name. Someone saying, after my relationship of 22 years ended and I was dealing with the legal and emotional fallout, "well it's not really the same as a divorce, is it?" This was 2015 not 1950!
But why do these experiences matter and what have they got to do with starting from a place of pride? First, they matter because they happened, they are a part of who I am, and my identity. Some people will have experienced similar things, some won't. But they inform who I am. Second, they are a reminder to me and indeed to everyone that it is pride, not shame, fear or secrecy, we should feel about our identities.
I know that if I am proud of who I am, and share it in my way, I pave the way for others to do the same.
Deputy Chief Executive
As a leader at NHS Providers, I have sought to be authentic and bring all of myself to work. Of course, I don't always succeed, but I know a little bit of what it is to be on the receiving end of prejudice. I also know a fair bit about weighing up the choices about whether to be "me" or not. And I know that if I am proud of who I am, share it in my way, I pave the way for others to do the same.
I had a very teary moment a few weeks ago when a colleague said to me that it was the fact that I am out at work that gave them the confidence and the permission to do the same. I, frankly, couldn't be more proud.
And, just in case you're wondering, I'll fill in the details – yes, I do love and have cats, I favour a comfy shoe when the situation allows and I devoured The L Word. All boxes ticked!
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